Catholic satire piece gets published in SF Weekly

Humorous article has some truth to it

This story comes from a February 20 SF Weekly satirical article by Benjamin Wachs.

San Francisco parents of children enrolled at local Catholic schools were recently shocked to discover that their children are attending schools run by Catholics.

(Fox News)

Parents are “blindsided” (Fox News)

The discovery was made after the local Archbishop, an official of the Catholic Church, sent letters to local teachers employed by the Catholic Church, reminding them of some of the things that the Catholic Church believes in. Those things offended many San Francisco parents, who say they were horrified to discover that the church which they have asked to educate their children might be influencing the way their kids think.

Local father Greg T., who self-identifies as gayer than you, said that he finds the idea that the Catholic schools are Catholic to be offensive.

“I strongly object to the hateful, oppressive, messages the Catholic church has been constantly sending out for the last 2,000 years,” he said. “So when I entrusted my children to them, I expected better. To find out that the Church which has never accepted me doesn’t accept me … well, obviously I’m going to sign a petition.”

"They do know these are CATHOLIC schools, right?"

“I thought the parents would know their kids were attending Catholic schools, but I guess I should’ve known better”

Parents say that the letter sent by the Archbishop, which reiterated that the Catholic church objects to abortion and sex of any kind outside of marriage, among many other things, was “judgy” and “might make people protesting the Catholic church feel that it is not welcoming.” They have signed a petition asking the Archdiocese to change its positions, or at least never mention them where other people could hear about it.

“It’s almost enough for me to send my children to public school,” said a parent. “But I mean, not really, I would never do that.”

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Comments

  1. I think I pulled a rib laughing.

  2. This is the best!!

  3. I’d suggest reading the entire original article. It’s pure gold.

  4. Michael McDermott says:

    One does so enjoy such pithy insights. What a shame they are probably direct quotes from the Gaystapo / Drag / Nun Mockery Lobby:

    “I had no idea this was really a Catholic school,” -just an extremely ironic public school.
    You know: ‘look at us, we’re so Catholic.’ Like the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.”

    Local father Greg T., who self-identifies as gayer than you, said that he finds the idea that the Catholic schools are Catholic to be offensive..

    Parents – petition asking the Archdiocese to change its positions, or at least never mention them where other people could hear about it. ..

    But it’s not just parents who are upset. Local teachers at area Catholic schools say they can’t believe they are being asked not to dispute Catholic doctrine.

    “No other employer would punish an employee for publicly protesting their product to their customers,” said mathematics teacher Wilma Marker, who says she finds the Catholic church to be “vile, reprehensible, and come with an excellent benefits package.”

    “I disagree with everything they stand for, and use all my summer vacations to undermine their cultural authority, but other than that it’s a great fit,” she added…

  5. Where’s Claude Rains when you need him?

    To be fair, I’ve never had a parent challenge my teaching their kids about the Church’s doctrines on life and marriage (and I once had a liberal nun complain that my theology was “pre-Trent”). I get a teen-grumble every so often, but that’s not necessarily a real challenge. Most of this hoo-hah is adolescent whining (by real and adult adolescents), but there’s some dragons behind the smoke and we need to take care.

  6. Hilarious!
    And so on target!
    What a great way to hit the nail on the head: using humor!!!

  7. Sarcasm can be an extremely effective means to communicate truth. This is a great example.

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